The best way I have seen unconditional love described is this: Nothing you do or don’t do can make me love you any less.
Wouldn’t that be nice? To know that no matter what, no matter what we do or don’t do – we are still loved the same.
But growing up, we learn that things we do can lead to other people loving us less. We learn that if we’re not the way others want us to be, there’s a penalty. No wonder we learn to wear a mask and hide who we really are!
The universal life-journey is for each of us to learn to be ourselves.This comes naturally when you love yourself unconditionally – when you love and accept yourself the same no matter what you do or don’t do.
What would that look like? Well we would love ourselves the same whether we pass or fail that exam, whether we’re a size 4 or a 16, whether we exercised or not, said yes or no to our friend or whether we stood up for ourselves or not. And we would love ourselves equally whether we do the ‘right’ or the ‘wrong’ thing.
In fact once you love yourself unconditionally it no longer even matters what you think of yourself, because you love yourself UNCONDITIONALLY. What you think of yourself has become irrelevant – you just are.
Unconditional love can also be called unconditional kindness and everyone has kindness and compassion inside of them. It says, “There, there, you’ll do better next time”, or “That wasn’t very kind of you, you must be feeling bad, what can I do?” or “Well done, fantastic job, you’re awesome no matter what anyone else thinks!”.
And the amazing thing is that when you love yourself unconditionally life gets easier. Relationships get easier. We are stronger and more confident. We take better care of ourselves. We feel happy and we feel free. In fact we are free. Free of the need to do what we should or to please others to get love, because we already have all the love we need right here. THIS is what inner peace is all about.
Sound good? Want to try? Well, it’s easier – and harder – than you think. The action is simple – but for most of us it takes work and practice, and wow, is it worth it!
So, here are 7 simple steps to practice unconditional love:
- The best time to practice is when we feel judged. Next time you notice you feel judged (whether it’s by you or someone else), be quiet with yourself for a moment and take a deep breath.
- And another.
- Look inside for the kind, wise you that loves you unconditionally. Look for their words of comfort and listen to what they have to say. (That’s all there is to it.)
- If you hear anything critical or judgemental you’ve not found the kind, wise you yet. Take another deep breath (or three) and try again.
- Repeat until you hear the kind, compassionate words you need.
- You’ll know if you’ve found them because you’ll feel lighter – and possibly even a bit tearful (the good tears that mean you’ve connected with the part of you that MOST needs love).
Coaching Tip: Many people find this hard – and one of the easiest ways to access this state of being is to imagine yourself as a small child. Now treat yourself as if you were this small child who is feeling upset and judged (remember what that feels like?). What would you say to them?
Remember, everyone needs love and acceptance – no matter what. If you won’t give it to yourself, who will?
and share with your friends and colleagues!