Over the years I have come to deeply realize that what ultimately drives us is not logic or ‘reality’ – but how we think and feel about things. Rejection FEELS like such a big deal AND it’s unavoidable in life – so learning to handle rejection is an essential skill to develop!
I want to share with you 7 Reframes and Tips to literally ‘flip’ how you feel and handle rejection better. Reframing helps us see situations in a different light – and gives us a boost so that we can let go of what our inner critic or gremlin might have to say…
So, here are 7 Reframes to Handle Rejection Beautifully and Get Your Mojo Back:
- After a Rejection stop and ask yourself, “What has actually changed?” Of course it’s a trick question. Because when we get rejected nothing actually changes: Before we ask someone out we have no date and AFTER we’ve been ‘rejected’ we still have no date! Nothing has changed – except that our brains make a big deal about it.
- Where’d it go? Try and touch it. The rejection I mean. OK, this one is a bit weird, but stay with me. Where is it, this ‘rejection’? Is it in front of you, behind you? Hold out your hand and try to physically touch it. Rejection only exists in our minds.
- Just say, “Next!” The wildly successful book “Chicken Soup for the Soul” was rejected by 144 publishers before finally being accepted. Walt Disney apparently lost his job at a newspaper because his editor accused him of “having no good ideas.” Imagine if they had stopped after one rejection? People are exactly the same after 1 or 100 Rejections!
- Remember that Rejection is simply the asking price for living a richer life! You’re here reading this – so I know you want more from life! But while you may feel disappointed after a rejection, there is something much worse than receiving a Rejection – not to have tried.
- Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I wasn’t attached to the outcome?” We feel rejected when it’s something we really want, but we don’t feel rejection when it’s something we don’t want. In fact if we don’t want it we may even feel relief or pleasure! Imagine you’re terrified of heights and you’re NOT picked to do a parachute jump – would you still feel rejected? Rejection is just a story we tell ourselves!
- You feel Rejected. So what? Just because you feel rejected does not mean you’re ‘a reject’. Ie. just because we FEEL it does NOT make it true! This is a fabulous reframe. Rejection is not truth, it’s just a feeling – and it will pass.
- I am worth MORE! We simply need to like, respect and esteem ourselves more. Wouldn’t you rather be rejected than have a job/person/friend who doesn’t appreciate you? I know I’d rather hang around with people who think I’m great, otherwise I’ll just spend all my time doubting myself – and where’s the fun in that? Rejection is just a sign that we need to keep looking!
So remember: It’s not the rejection itself that hurts, what hurts is what we believe about it – and the stories we tell ourselves. Don’t let your gremlins get the better of you, you CAN handle rejection!
Watch out for: Sometimes, to really move forwards from a rejection and let go, it’s important to dig into how we FEEL. If you’re struggling to deal with the intense emotions that come with a rejection, you may need to explore your feelings and underlying beliefs further before reframing. And we’ll talk about that in another post coming soon…
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